A few years ago, I worked at an after-school club in a Primary school. I was to be the “art and fun” guy, but my attempts at getting kids to use their imaginations usually ended up in a pile of drawings of me as a monstrous girl with smell lines emanating from all over. And four legs.

Anyway, once we helped them stage an “X-Factor” talent show. There were failed handstands, footballs through windows, and tears. It basically turned into a last man standing match.

This is based on that.

I left shortly after.